"I want to start eating well but my spouse, or children will not." - HELP!

Good morning sunshines - 

So I have a topic in mind today and I need to preface by saying I am not married nor do I have a partner that I live with, so please keep that in mind when I share my professional opinion on this subject matter. I have also assisted and helped couples in the past, so I do know a thing or two about what I am talking about, so please trust and read on! ;) 

I get this all the time: "I want to start (or do) eating clean but my husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, or children will not." 

Let me break down a specific scenario for you from a past client of mine for reference. 

My client Dan began starting to clean up his lifestyle and nutrition with me but had a wife and child at home. He would tell me that his wife would eat clean because that’s pretty much because its all they had in the house (which is a win), but she did not quite understand the concept. She would eat the wrong foods at the wrong times (sugary snacks late at night due to not properly fueling and hydrating throughout the day). He said one day she just got sick and tired of being sick and tired… She saw her husband at the gym, working with a coach and seeing results, so why not go there with him and start making changes? He was always eating and preaching a "balanced diet", so why not do it too? Instead of continuing to fight him, she joined him.

With that being said, I am a huge believer that you cannot force someone into this lifestyle. They must want to change and they usually will when they see the physical and mental changes you’re making. If I could talk or force everyone into this lifestyle I would because I truly believe it is the best way to live a healthy life, but I also realize that forcing your loved ones to make changes to their diet usually results in resentment. 

Here are 5 ways that I have found, professionally, that will help get your family on board for this journey to optimizing health and wellness with you! 

1. Lead By Example - 

The primary thing that you can do to help your loved ones see the light is to lead by example. I remember Dan's wife was totally that person who would tell him, “Come on, one isn’t going to hurt you, Stop being so picky, Do you REALLY have to pack all that food?, It is so annoying that you have to eat every 3-4 hours…you’re like a baby!” You’ll hear these comments too, but when you start to see the changes you’re looking for, you just brush it off and hope that person will find inspiration in what you’re doing.

Attitudes and behaviors will change, it just takes time. Dan was “that man” that would only eat red meat, fried foods, no vegetables, no fish, etc. and believe it or not she was “that woman” that would get so mad when he would try to “educate” or “guide” her in the right direction. Once that other person sees the changes you’re making…they’ll become curiously inspired and want to learn more (even though they may not tell you). Now, looking back, she definitely told me that she wished she would have started living this way right when he did, but she is so glad that she is now healthy enough and have enough energy to do the activities that they enjoy doing and spending time together.

2.  Don’t Be Extreme - 

I see this ALL THE TIME. Either the husband or wife is very extreme with their fitness. They run for hours each week, or workout all the time and the spouse seems to literally do nothing. Don’t scare off the person you are trying to help by making them think they have to invest half their week into working out! No one needs to workout that often and 30 minutes a day 3-4 days a week is perfect to start out with. If your spouse doesn’t want to join you in the gym, see if they will go for a walk with you or do a workout class (via zoom) together. The same goes for healthy food, which leads me to #3…

3. Start By Making Small Changes - 

If your family isn’t on board with you, the worst thing you can do is clean out the pantry or throw away their favorites foods. They will find a way to eat it behind your back and guess what, resentment, yet again! Start with small, slow changes. Take a favorite dish and try to make it healthier. Or you could try a certain meal to change for a week. A good place to start is breakfast so that you are starting the day off on the right foot!

4. Don’t Make Everything a Big Deal - 

I do not have any kids, so I don’t really want to touch on this subject for too long but I bet that if you started cooking clean food and didn’t tell them it was “healthy” they wouldn’t know (same goes for your spouse!). You don’t have to tell the whole family that you are going to start cooking or eating healthy, you don’t have to announce that you swapped out certain ingredients, etc. I have had a past client actually made a cookie cake out of garbanzo beans and their kids LOVED it. They didn’t even know it wasn’t the real thing. SWEAR!  Don’t make a big deal out of it but you can educate them on food choices (just as you would with behavior, money, learning, etc.). It’s unfortunate that children are exposed to junk food everywhere they go (it’s no wonder that many kids are severely obese and have diabetes), but if you’re teaching them to make the right choices and providing them with clean foods at home then little treats here and there are okay (moderation is key!). They should know the difference between a treat versus regular food.

Also, I KNOW, kids love different kinds of fruit…find local, organic fruits that are in season and provide them with “nature’s candy” or you can try some of our “clean treats“. You are their parent so you control what goes into their body – do yourself and your family a favor and make sure the food they eat is helping them and not hurting them.

5. Explain - 

Explain how much this means to you and that you will continue your healthy living journey with or without them. Sharing your goals and your why might help them see why you are doing this. Keep in mind that if you tend to have a “new thing” every week or yo-yo diet and they see that, they might be hesitant to join you in “yet another journey”. THIS IS HUGE!!! As most of you are serious about changing your lifestyle, and not necessarily losing 10 pounds by a certain date, they will see that and respect and join the long haul with you! 

Lastly, take a minute to think about it…I bet those people (aka, me) who are trying to convince you to buy, cook and consume whole foods for the majority of the time and sleep, hydrate and exercise regularly probably look and feel a lot better than those who have no self-control and tell you that it’s not worth the money, food’s too pleasurable, “you only live once”, and so on. So, who are you going to believe? The same thing goes for your family. Practice what you preach and the proof is in the pudding. <3

Any questions/comments/concerns shoot them my way! Remember, your family loves you and they want to thrive with you, it's about figuring out the teamwork and doing it lovingly not forcefully. 

Coach B